In my bedroom, in the closet, on a shelf, a pink covered book sits. Every now and then I take it down, blow off the dust that has collected and sit in the quiet solitude of my room and open the cover. It is a scrapbook. This scrapbook does not get taken out and shared often. Those who are granted the permission to gaze upon it contents have been scrutinized. I will easily share stories and answer questions, but the contents of this book I guard. This scrapbook chronicles the most painful and bittersweet moments I have endured. It is the story of expectation, loss, sadness, love, hope and faith.
On October 12th, 2007
my life changed forever.
On that day my husband and I were met with an awful truth. A moment we had been anticipating with great excitement came too soon. Twenty-three weeks into my pregnancy we were quietly told that our baby girl would be arriving and there wasn't anything they could do. No odds for survival were given. The reality was that we would soon be holding a baby who was not destined to be with us forever but only for mere moments.
Kylie Rae was born, no cries of a new born filled the room. As the doctor laid a 1 pound, 1 ounce little baby girl on my chest, I knew that this was my hello and goodbye. Kylie survived for three minutes and then just as quietly as she arrived, she left us.
For us there were no solid answers as to a reason for our loss. Could have been an infection. Could have been something else. In that moment I knew that I didn't want answers. Answers to the big question of "why" would never bring my daughter back to us.
When we laid Kylie to rest, four days later, we were surrounded by so many people who we love and cherish. It was a dark time that I only survived because of my husband, my family and my friends. As time passed the pain lessened but the ache of longing for Kylie in my arms one more time still visits me in quiet, contemplative moments. October 12th, 2011 will mark the 4th anniversary of her passing. Four years later and on that day I know that there are friends and family that lift us up in prayer and have Kylie on their minds. As I look back on those dark days, I realize that I had two choices. It could be the moment that defeats me or a moment that defines me, I chose the latter.
The first spring after we lost Kylie, Joe and I walked in the March of Dimes, March for Babies for the first time. We believe in it's mission to help babies be born healthy. The money we raise each year helps the March of Dimes do wonderful things. See the poster below for how your support helps babies.
On May 1st, 2011, Joe, Kayla and I will join up with friends and family as we walk in memory of Kylie Rae Dorn. Kylie's Crusaders will stand and walk together so that one day, all babies will be born healthy.
The March of Dimes needs our help. Would you consider making a donation to the March for Babies?
If this is something you would like to do please click on the March of Dimes - March for Babies logo below. This will bring you to my personal page where you can make a secure, online donation.
